Title: Killing Me Softly
By: Bridget McKennitt
Character: Phoebe Halliwell
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2211
Contains: No warnings in as far I know that can't be extrapolated from the header itself. Set a little after Witch Way Now, when Piper is pregnant and Cole is back.
Disclaimer: Charmed is owned by other companies. They are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. No challenge or infringement upon the copyright is intended, nor should any be inferred.
"Hi, baby!" Phoebe remembered those words that she exclaimed to Piper's
stomach. During this past year, from pressure of both Leo and her sisters, Piper
yearned to have a child of her own. Not that Phoebe would deny her older sister
anything but she wondered if that was what Piper truly wished for. The death of
Prue hit home to them all how precious and fleeting life was, and combining that
with the family pressure, Piper gave in, forgetting that she never liked children
much in the first place.
On the other hand, Phoebe did and always loved children. Every innocent
child they encountered, from the Matthews baby to even her younger self, Phoebe
enjoyed caring and giving her love unconditionally. She may have never pictured
herself becoming a wife, but she always imagined having children. Even Prue and
Piper remarked that she would have more than five children because of her great
love for them.
Yes, she was utterly surprised at the doctor's news and had fainted when
told that she was pregnant. She used protection every time they made love and
more importantly, things were moving much too fast. She had just gotten married
to Cole and already she was pregnant. But when the shock wore off, Phoebe
welcomed the pregnancy despite the feelings of apprehension for the future.
Then...then the dreams began, soon after she was forced to vanquish Cole
along with her sisters. She was rushed to the hospital, carrying a child that felt
like it was almost nine months though it was really two. The doctors performed a
C-section on her and she saw a glimpse of the son she and Cole created. The
nightmare ended with the Seer stealing him away.
Even after finding out that the child was never hers or Cole's, after the
Seer died along with the baby spawn, still Phoebe dreamed the dream. Especially
now that Piper was pregnant.
She smiled at the touching scene between the two lovers as Leo rubbed
Piper's stomach and began speaking to the baby within. Paige came from behind and
wrapped her arms around Phoebe. "Don't you just love that Piper is pregnant? When
she felt like there was no hope, I told her not to worry. I'm magical proof that
good things happen when witches and whitelighters get together."
What about witches and demons? At that moment Phoebe longed for her child,
the one that she was denied. "I--I need to get going."
Paige glanced into her sister's eyes. "Why?" Perhaps it was because she had
only been fighting against demons for a year but Paige saw life in black and white,
good and evil. Phoebe stopped seeing things that way, especially after Cole entered
her world.
"I have to get to the newspaper so I can work on my advice column." She
smiled ruefully. "If it makes you feel any better, I doubt Cole will contact me
there." Paige said she only distrusted her demonic husband but Phoebe knew better.
The demonic power that a Power Broker infected her with made Paige go after the one
person she hated, like the innocent Karen did with her boss Elise. That person was
Cole. Yet she did not hold that against her sister. No one was perfect and Paige
was allowed the right to her own opinions.
"Phoebe, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just feeling a little tired." Tired of the heartache and
loneliness.
***
She returned home late in the night, sneaking in so she would not wake anyone.
She had gone through every letter that was sent to her and read them. There were
bigger problems in the world and Phoebe liked the feeling of helping, of soothing,
of solving.
If only it were as easy to solve her own problems. She made sure that no one
knew the hidden scars she gained from her recent experiences with carrying baby
"Lucifer." Blunt force to the abdomen was an injury most witches got in their
lifetime, making pregnancy hard to come by. But what she went through was worse.
Not only did she feel like she was going to explode during that experience,
but every time the baby used its powers, her insides were ripped to shreds from the
black magic. She feared that she could never conceive again. She prayed that it was
only a fear she harbored and not a fact.
The silky material of her nightgown slid over her body as Phoebe forced
herself to relax. Her dream of having children was not dust in the wind. Or was it?
Was Piper the only Halliwell to carry on the family line? "Please no," she whispered.
She hugged her pillow tight as tears ran down her face.
The moon's light entered through her window, shining on her. "White light,
shining moon of eternity. Send me off to serenity," she murmured as she fell asleep.
"Mama? I had a nightmare again." Phoebe cautiously opened her eyes to see a
young boy staring at her. "Can I stay with you?"
"Who are you, little one?" she asked gently.
"I'm your son, Randy, mama." Her son grinned and Phoebe could see the gaps
between his teeth.
Tears formed as her soul recognized Randy as the baby from her dreams, only
older and looking the spitting image of Cole. "My son, you're my son." She reached
to turn on the lamp on her nightstand and this time she openly wept, for this was
indeed her child.
Randy climbed into his mother's lap, sucking his thumb as he stared at her
with childlike wonder. "Mama, why are you crying?"
"B--because I thought you were only a lost dream that died when I nearly
did. I thought the rays of the moon were playing a cruel trick on me." She gathered
her son into her arms and fiercely kissed the top of his head. A glimmer of light
caught her eye and she looked up to see her reflection in the mirror. It was apparent
that she was not in her own time for the person in the mirror was not her, and yet
it was. It was an older version of herself, with shoulder length wavy brown hair
sprinkled with gray, and wrinkles that could only have come from time. What
happened?
"Oh no, did I?" The words she murmured before she drifted to sleep, was that
a time spell in disguise?
"Can I stay with you?" Randy went back to his original question.
"Of course, Randy." She kissed her son again and cuddled him as he began to
breath deeply into slumber.
Phoebe awoke the next morning with the sun on her face and her son sleeping
peacefully in her arms. She smiled as she gazed at Randy. Having a child was worth
everything she went through in the past.
"Wake up, Randy." She gently woke him up. "Let's go downstairs and I'll cook
us breakfast." Her son nodded happily and Phoebe carried him to the kitchen.
She nearly entered the kitchen when she stopped in the doorway. There was a
man there who looked harmless and yet her body was tense. It felt like she was
ready to fight or flee. "Get out of my house."
"Give me the child, witch." He held out his hand. "Or else I will be forced
to kill you."
She took a step back as she whispered to her son. "I want you to run as soon
as I let you go." Her arms loosened around Randy and he immediately began to run.
The demon started after him but Phoebe grabbed his arm and flipped him onto the
ground.
"Stay away from him." She raised her fists, ready to defend her son. The demon
threw an energy ball at her but she levitated over the power and propelled herself
with a spin kick into his head. Landing on her feet, she ran after her son.
***
Phoebe searched the park for any suspicious people and let out a breath of
relief when she saw none. On the way there she and Randy were attacked by several
demons and she fended them off successfully. But it begged the question why were
these demons after her son? She did not know what year it was or what happened to
her family. All she knew was she had to protect Randy, no matter what.
She sensed something and turned around to see a demon about five feet away.
The demon made no move towards them. Something did not feel right. Why wasn't he
attacking?
A sharp blade was thrust into her back and Phoebe let out a strangled cry.
Strong fingers dug into her shoulder as the athame twisted. "The boy belongs to us,"
a deep voice chuckled out. "Your only option is to die." She stumbled to the ground
as blood flowed out of her body, and still the demon held her. She cast her gaze
upward and saw her murderer. He had a chiseled face with hazel eyes and a mean
look.
Phoebe coughed up blood, struggling to stand. It could not end this way. Not
like this. She gulped in one last breath before...Phoebe screamed as her eyes shot
open. She was back in her bedroom. She pinched herself to reassure that she was
indeed alive. But how?
"I can answer that." A beautiful lady in white stood in the corner of the room,
a vision of ethereal wonder. "Do not be frightened, Phoebe. I am the Angel of the
Moon, guardian to all under my realm." An enchanting smile appeared on her face.
"I consider you part of my protection, you who was named as a child of the moon."
"Tell me why I was sent to the future, only to die from a demon's hand?" She
began to hyperventilate. "Am I forever doomed to die? Is that my destiny?"
She chuckled a sweet laugh. "You have a great destiny ahead of you, Phoebe.
Not just with your Charmed sisters but with your own personal destiny. I sent those
words to you so you would know that you have nothing to fear. You are not barren.
However that is as far as I, or any Angel of Destiny, know. Phoebe, you are forever
tied to Cole and he is unique to the universe. His path is of his own choosing."
"But, my death?"
"Each death you have endured is but a lesson to help you grow into a strong
woman and a powerful witch. I am proud of who you are, Phoebe." She smiled again.
"Let love back into your life. Remember my words and let no one tell you otherwise.
Love is a grand thing to be selfish about."
Phoebe smiled. She understood the message completely. Cole was her soulmate
and destiny. The struggles they went through made their bond stronger and she would
not give up on their relationship. There was nothing holding her back but her fears.
They could conceive a baby and her dreams of being a mother were not dead.
"Thank you," she said with heartfelt gratitude.
The Angel nodded her head and gazed upward. "I will always be here with you."
Sparkling orbs of light surrounded her until she was gone from sight.
***
Phoebe walked down the stairs and saw her sisters giggling over a magazine
article. Time for confessions and unvarnished truths. "Is there room on the couch
for a third?"
Piper smiled widely and patted the seat on her right. "Of course there is."
"Good, because I have something to say. Actually a lot of things to say." She
let out a nervous chuckle. "You guys better get used to having Cole around because
I'm not letting him go. He is my husband, for better or for worse, and I love him.
Nothing you can say or do will change my mind." She looked directly at Paige when
she said this.
"Phoebe, we would never--" Piper began.
"Yes, you would, Piper. I forgive you but I'm laying this out now, I won't
give up on Cole. Love is a grand thing to be selfish about. Also, Piper I'm thrilled
you're finally having a baby. But did you know how much I was hurting inside,
believing that I would never have a child of my own? Having children has always been
my dream, always has been. Carrying...the demonic baby, that wasn't mine of
Cole's...I nearly died. Every time the baby used its black magic, my insides were
ripped to shreds. I thought I became barren because of it." She glanced at them
with sad eyes.
Her sisters began to cry as Phoebe went on. They never knew, never bothered
to glance under the surface. They never knew Phoebe had such deep fears or dreams.
"It was killing me softly...until the Angel of the Moon relieved my fears.
She sent me to the future and I saw my son that I conceived with Cole. He's so
beautiful, Piper. I held him in my arms, kissed his head, and instantly fell in love.
It's not a lost dream, I can have children. I will someday meet little Randy again."
Paige got up from her seat and sat next to Phoebe as the sisters embraced each
other, tears falling freely as they silently supported Phoebe.
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